he just seems so unstable to me. my kid needs more than that. better to have no daddy than a jacked up one.
i guess i am just going to have to put it this way.......
in order to convenience him, i allowed J to see Milo on Sunday's for 5.5 hours. it invites a lot of unnecessary stress into my life and at the same time. planning for this small amount of 'quality time' has been a huge emotional strain and burden for me.
being as i am the primary caregiver and spend a great deal of time money and effort caring for Milo, my weekends are to relax. it is more than difficult for me to head to the gym (helps to boost my energy a bit) then turn around and drive across town to drop Milo off, only to have to turn around in what seems like no more than a couple of hours (and that really is what it is) to pick up my son.
i hear many complaints from J about how he is spending time with a child that he NEVER wanted to have and that his car is unsafe and that i leave Milo with him when he hits his head and has seizures (J not Milo- J can handle his seizures. as far as i am concerned, they are more like tremors caused by aggravation of past head injuries. they do not render him useless and helpless as a parent.
i am not even mad... i just want J to know that i am now going to stick to the agreement that we had agreed upon. if he does not want to do the times dates and places that are in the original court order, then he can plan on not seeing Milo. i do know , that this will spur many a trip to daycare to see his son. that is a pain in my fucking ass and i think i would have to push to get that shit to stop as he has already shown that he is an idiot and cannot handle just picking up his son like he should. he likes to stick around and raise the children's level of anxiety. you know how kids get when a different grownup shows in the center who is not a teacher? they forget that they are in school. i hang out there too, but that is generally at the end of the day when i come to pick up Milo. it is also done when the kids are out on the playground. i always go out to get him and the kids love talking to me. i like them too. i am one of the cool parents. i shoot baskets with them and talk about their lives and their day. i don't hang onto my child and shoo all the other kids away from him like J does. the daycare knows that they can always tell me not to do that. they like me too. i guess i better volunteer myself for a couple of reading days. hee hee
but J is on the outs with me. i need my strength and my mental faculties back.
i think this is the way that i will do it.
it is amazing that we have been divorced over 2 years and it is almost like it was the day i left.